Thursday, October 8, 2009

Even better the second time around

There are those who'd bet
Love comes but once - and yet
I'm oh so glad we met
The second time around

There is a certain joy of being a certain age and falling in love again.

When I was in my late 20s, Time Magazine announced that an unmarried woman at 30 had a great chance of being hit by a bus than ever landing a man. Well, that's not quite right. It was actually Newsweek, which in 1986 reported the results of a Harvard and Yale research study on marriage. The gist:
  • White, college-educated women who failed to marry in their 20s faced abysmal odds of ever tying the knot.

  • A woman who remained single at 30 had only a 20 percent chance of ever marrying.

  • By 35, the probability dropped to 5 percent.

  • A 40-year-old single woman was "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever marry.
I absolutely panicked. I was 27, white, fat, and in college. I was also involved in a very unfortunate relationship with a... uh... unavailable man. What were my chances of getting married? Absolutely zero.

(Of course, I failed to ask the real question: why would being married make me any happier, smarter, prettier, successful, or more acceptable than being single?!)

Since that unfortunate Newsweek article, I managed to break up with the unavailable asshole, got married at 36, and separated at 47. Now I am 50, fat, white, college educated, and divorced. And I am in love with a good man - and he is in love with me.

Love truly is better the second - or forty-second - time around.

Why do I bring this up? Because I have renewed my love affair with my Diamond Yoke Cardigan, which now features Louet Riverstone Bulky. I dreaded abandoning my first version, but now I'm convinced I'm on to a bigger and better sweater with this passionate new yarn. I mean look at that color! If it's not about romance, I don't know what is.

I know the damn pattern by heart now, so I'm speeding right along. This gives me a chance to reflect on all that original pink cotton yarn I've frogged from my original version. What in the heck should I make with it? I really like the yarn, just not for this sweater. It needs to be knitted at a much tighter gauge for a different pattern and then it will be fine.

This whole thought process reminds me of my ex-husband. I worried a lot about him after we separated. I still liked him very much; I just didn't want to be married to him for assorted reasons. He epitomized a raggedy, forlorn vagabond for a while, which always made me feel guilty. But now he's got a new girlfriend who takes excellent care of him. His socks even match! It is clear: he's better off with her than he ever was with me. They're a much better fit.

So perhaps soon I'll find a better fit for my forlorn-vagabond-pink-cotton yarn. Let's hope. Because the truth is, love - and knitting - really are better the second time around.

1 comment:

  1. I love the analogy.
    Hey! I remember that card from when I was a kid...Old Maid and Fish card games!

    My many aunts gave me til 32 and then abandoned hope. I see all the failed relationships with a package of kids,college bills,job cutbacks,foreclosures,senior parents needing care,etc etc and have no regrets for my single state... at all.

    I said it before and It's worth saying it 2 make a great couple from your photo. He seems like a great guy...I wish you 2 all the very best that life has to offer.

    Now as for the pink cotton yarn...if it is worsted , why not let it be dormant until spring when new cotton worsted patterns come out? How about a pullover from VFD which has no waist shaping? Let me know if you'd like the Square neck side slit pullover pattern for kickin around. What about that trellis lace sideways cardigan? just some suggestions.

    As for the ex...some guys don't want an equal companion just.....another mother! LOL